I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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