i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
