Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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