I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
