Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
