There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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