i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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