Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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