Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
