yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
