Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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