Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
