Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
how does that bad decision feel?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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