Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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