Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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