He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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