in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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