just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
