1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Damn victory sex feels great
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
