checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
