Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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