Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
