i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
