first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
