So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I stole a fireplace last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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