considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
