she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
