Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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