You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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