She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
