Pappa wants mamma naked
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
