I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
