I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
