if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
