I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
