so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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