Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
