Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
