I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
