i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
