So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
