I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
