Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
