I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i believe in u and ur pee
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
