You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
