oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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