Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
