I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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