oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
