I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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