Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
