If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
