I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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