Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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