Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
