is your mom at the bar?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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