Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
